they need to just BURY HIM!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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