i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
