Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
