Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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