his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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