Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
