Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
