You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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