your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's never too late to be topless.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
