i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
