you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
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her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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