ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
