But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
