then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
