I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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