Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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