U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
