dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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