is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
