Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
