This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
