I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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