Need sex. Gaining weight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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