yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize