like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
