Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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