vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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