how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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