We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
