I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize