I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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