So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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