Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
