This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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