dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
