you would pick up someone in the library
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
only you would photoshop your dick
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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