According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
