My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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