I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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