apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
