I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
