My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
