Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
