After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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