OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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