i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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