my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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