I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
