I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Life is so much better after having sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.