fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.