so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret