How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.