Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.