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i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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