hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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