mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
