and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
