I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
