apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
