he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I AM VODKA MAN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
