wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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