my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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