the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
