Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
