If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
