tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
