did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
