I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
