He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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