Will you blow on my dice?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
