i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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