I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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