The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
