You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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