How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
