He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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