My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
