take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
