he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
