i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
