You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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