dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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