My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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