He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
