So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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