hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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