i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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