porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
